A Widow’s Holiday Wish

Carolyn Moor

– Despite what you might think, I don’t have to do the holidays. There is not a rule that says I must do so.
– The frenetic tension of this season makes me want to withdrawal, so when you see me it’s extra tough to pretend all is okay.
– In the back of my mind, the one gift I’m thinking about is the one I won’t receive from the one person I loved the most.
– I might drink a little too much or overeat or get emotional or seclude myself at that party, I don’t really want to. I want to be jovial and healthy in mind, body and spirit, but some days it’s all too much that I want to escape for just a moment. It’s a moment not my whole life.
-All those letters that come to me, heartbreaking. Not that I’m not happy for you, I am. They just remind me of what I lost and that hurts. It hurts because I miss that love.
– I may send you a card showing how strong we are, how life is going great and most days that is true, but I still have those ‘bad cry’ days and seasonal triggers that catch me completely off guard that take me aback.
– I’m hoping for a little compassion and understanding without any judgement here. My courage and patience is tested to the max this time of year.
– My mind is caught between the past, present and future. It’s a strange feeling that I’m still figuring out. At times I can’t control it, but I’m getting better at living in the flow. Do I have a choice? Does anyone?
-I still believe in little miracles, in love, in peace and joy…they are sacred and cherished now knowing how quickly they can slip away.
– My faith is either bolstering me, confusing me or calling my name. Sit and listen to me, it’s one way I believe there is a higher power at work in this. You are a blessing beyond words.
-Everything looks differently now. All the stuff that gets bought, I’m now acutely aware that someone left behind has to figure what to do with it all once a person dies. It’s a huge responsibility and has me thinking differently about consumerism. I ask myself ‘What’s it all for anyway?’
– I’m not bitter, just better…more conscious about the full spectrum and beauty of the full circle of life.
– The best gift of all for me now is something perishable, experiential, memorable, sustainable and strengthening.….all of the rest is just fluff. Distractions. Filling some kind of void. I welcome these gifts of you. I welcome you into my life. You have no idea. It will make my day!
– We want the same things: comfort, meaning, love and happiness.
– Because in the end, we won’t talk about the things we had.
– We will talk about all the moments we were blessed to experience together; the laughter, the smiles, the hugs, the I love you’s, the I showed up for you’s, the longing to be close, the feeling meaningful and the being useful…all those fleeting kind of things that we take for granted.
– So, let me figure this holiday out on my own terms. Meet me half way. Gift me permission to just be and trust that I’m right where I need to be. And I’ll wish the same for you.

We’ll both bring peace on earth this holiday and goodwill to men and women alike. Now that’s something we can celebrate this season together.