The Widow and Mother’s Day
Despite what you may think, on Mother’s Day, the one thing I want is to be held. I long for a momentary respite for the things I want, but know I will not have again.
It is a day full of mixed emotions as I miss the one I longed to hold hands with for eternity.
The unbearable void, so obvious, has tarnished yet another special day meant for reverence and joyful celebration.
On Mother’s Day, what I want the most is to be held.
By them! The one who made me a mother.
I want to know what it’s like to wake up next to them.
I want to know what it’s like to be in the passenger seat.
I want to know what it’s like for them to hold my hand.
I want to know what it feels like for them to pick up the tab.
I want to know what it feels like for them to be ‘their dad’ and be my partner today.
I want to hear the word ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ every day.
The things I want for Mother’s Day people don’t understand – are gone forever.
Being a mother meant turning in my ‘selfish card’ for life. But today, I want to be selfish and I want to be honest.
When you lose the daddy who made you a mommy, today is tarnished, slightly tainted with sadness for what is missing. The Mother’s Days of before are gone, like our loved one. My worst fears are realized and I’ve used up all my courage to this heartache, I want to be held.
And this doesn’t mean I’m not one hundred percent grateful or appreciative of what I do have now. In fact, I’m more so aware of the power of gratitude than ever before. But when a person wants to be held, there is no substitute.
Will I bounce back? Yes, of course. Will I grow from this? Yes, most definitely. We are mothers. We come from this good earth. We are super human because the super unbelievable has happened. We are the ‘extra’ in extraordinary. We will open our hearts and see what is possible again. So, when we offer that embrace, see it as the gift it is.
It’s something to hold tight to because life is fragile and precious at the same time.
Whether you are an optimist, pessimist, realist or a dreamer, we all need to be held. We are people who need people: The loveliest people in the world.
So if you know a mom who might need to be held today, don’t hesitate.
And when I say HELD:
Really hug her.
Hold space with her.
Go out of your way.
Change your plans.
Make sure she knows.
Make her day.
Whatever it takes.
To hold her.
Holding her can mean physically taking your arms and gently holding her.
It can mean slipping a gift card in the mail.
It can mean taking out the trash, or replacing light bulbs or offering to repair that ‘whatever’.
It can mean mentoring her kids.
It can be affirming her with kind words.
It can mean calling or texting or emailing.
It can mean praying openly or silently for her safety and healing.
It can mean giving her one remarkable day off without worry.
It can mean saying to the cashier ‘I’ve got hers’.
It can mean I see you and you matter.
It can mean I will hold you during this loss beyond comprehension.
It can mean instead of breaking at the edges, I’ll be here to help hold them together.
She’s a warrior, but still, she needs to be held. She needs you to be there for her this Mother’s Day and beyond.
– Carolyn Moor
Dedicated to the man, Chad Moor, who made me a mother. A huge Calvin & Hobbes Fan. And the two daughters that inspire and hold me daily.